Has a book ever inspired you?

Has a book ever inspired you? 

Have you ever read a book that seemed written just for you? 

Has a book changed your career or business? 

Has a book ever changed your life?

This was the basis for a recent discussion with a number of business owners, managers and coaches recently. We came up with a list of those books which had most inspired us or had the greatest impact on the way in which we work and live.

There were many I'd read but also some I hadn't and am now looking forward to. So...I thought I'd share with you this rich resource and hope you get as much out of reading as some of us have.

Co-Active Coaching by Whitworth et al.

When Co-Active Coaching was first released, this pioneering work set the stage for what has become a cultural and business phenomenon, and helped launch the professional practice of coaching. Already used as the definitive resource in dozens of corporate and professional development programs, the fully revised third edition of Co-Active Coaching has been updated to include the latest terminology and a variety of fresh coaching examples drawn from the authors firsthand experiences with thousands of international coaching trainees and clients. In this edition, the authors extend the use of the Co-Active Model which emphasized a partnership between client and coach into leadership management, featuring its effectiveness throughout an organization.  Co-active Coaching, a fantastic resource and essential building block for new coaches.

In terms of formative influences I must tip my hat to Richard Bach.

Several of his books strengthened my sense of the possible,

a long, long way back now.

Rachel Naomi Remen "Kitchen Table Wisdom". Full of wonderful stories about the healing power of listening from the heart.

Mary Beth O'Neil Backbone & Heart, is one I keep going back to. It helps me remember the importance of working with courage. 
She writes in a way that really speaks to coaches and offers plenty of challenging questions to engage with. 

I can not recommend this highly enough. It has helped me continue to love my client whilst operating as a truly hard nosed business-focused resource.

I now read Jonathan Livingston Seagull with my children. It's the most celebrated inspirational fable of our time, telling the story of a bird determined to be more than ordinary. This bestselling modern classic, , is a story for people who want to follow their dreams and make their own rules and has inspired people for decades.

This bestselling modern classic is about seeking a higher purpose in life, even if your flock, tribe or neighbourhood finds your ambition threatening (at one point our beloved gull is even banished from his flock). By not compromising his higher vision, Jonathan learns the meaning of love and kindness and gets the ultimate payoff – transcendence.

Stephen Coveys The Speed of Trust. 

I am thankful for his work and writings especially as he says 

its the one thing that changes everything'.

Tim Gallwey The Inner Game of Work is a great book with practical tools to help anyone - love all the inner game books, but this one is my favourite. The idea of using 'critical variables' is very helpful - helps your performance and you don't then forget anything critical to your success. Tim Gallwey is inspirational and there's a few bits on youtube of him

Nelson Mandela Long Walk to Freedom.

It demonstrates, Patience, Determination,

Selflessness and Compromise in a very human way

James Borg  "Mind Power". He was Whitmore's 

guru in the early days of coaching.

Martin Howden This Stuff Really Works which is privately published is a good blend of practical development ideas to use with clients and built into workshops for use with smaller and third sector organisations. http://www.thisstuffreallyworks.co.uk/

Brian Tracy  Eat That Frog by is great for all procrastinators!

Wendy Sullivan and Judy Rees Clean Language which added another element to my coaching.

Rock and Page “Coaching With The Brain In Mind” by as a great overview and insight from the world of neuroscience, which seems to be an ever more important stream in modern coaching thought and practice.

Jackson Paul Z and McKergow Mark The Solutions Focus" by and Berg Insoo Kim Szabo Peter "Brief Coaching for Lasting Solutions" by Issacs 

Neal Anderson's NLP Coach Companion is fast becoming a must-have for new and experienced NLP coaches. Easy to follow and some great exercises to use for self and clients.

Also on the NLP front...Jeremy Lazarus Successful NLP also hits the mark for more experienced NLPers and those new to the toolkit.

William Isaacs "Dialogue: The Art of Thinking Together 

David Bohm  "On Dialogue"

Kline Nancy Time to Think" by - another mind shift moment for me.

Feel free to add your own 

special 

book recommendations.

A change for Freddie....

Once upon a time there was a young man who was very good at his job. Now this young man, let’s call him ‘Freddie’, loved his job, especially the contact with peers and clients and was well-liked and respected for his creativity and initiative. Before long, Freddie’s work and dedication was rewarded and he received a promotion. Over the next few years he married and had three children and success continued. After a few more promotions, the family moved to a lovely big house and Freddie drove a very nice company car. He now found himself responsible for a large business area managing several departments and became known as a bit of a workaholic. 

About this time Freddie’s youngest son became ill and most of his spare time was spent at hospital appointments where the family were given additional support from a charity for the families of sick children. Freddie found it more and more difficult to be away from work. The company was going through big changes, there was talk of a buy-out and Freddie had to be on top of his game. He spent less and less time doing the job that he loved and spent more and more time in Board meetings discussing company changes and the probability of downsizing and a ‘lean’ organisation structure and operating model. Freddie was worried about losing his job.

Faced with the difficulties at home and at work, Freddie’s work began to suffer. He didn’t know where to turn and in a moment of despair, he opened up to a friend who recommended he speak to an  executive coach he’d used in the past. He had found this a great way to gain some clarity and perspective.

Still rather sceptical, Freddie contacted his friend’s former coach and it soon became clear that Freddie had lost touch with the aspects of his work that challenged and inspired him. He was disconnected not just from his work, but from the company and his life as a whole. His son’s illness had brought everything to a head and he was just about ready to give up on the lot!


By working with his coach, Freddie was able to see what was important to him. He felt guilty at neglecting his family and suffered a huge loss in confidence in his work. Instead of dwelling on these feelings, he was able to focus on the skills and successes he had achieved and what really mattered.

Instead of feeling he had no choice, Freddie was able to see that there were several options available to him and he began to see some of his old focus returning. He became aware that he’d put his work before his family and let the fear of losing his job keep him ‘stuck’.  Freddie realised it was time to move on from the company and went to see his Director with a proposal for his own exit strategy. This contained an option for him to provide ad hoc consultancy as the company underwent its transition.

With the redundancy package coupled with the consultancy, Freddie began to spend more time with his family and started to become more involved with the family support charity. His passion for learning was re-ignited and he started a course in support work.

Freddie’s son is still recovering from his illness but will recover fully in time. Freddie now works part-time for the charity and at times, takes on consultancy work for corporate organisations.

Sometimes we set our own prisons by believing we have no choice. By thinking we are tied to a company, a wage, a way of living. Sometimes it takes a big push before we can make a change, at other times we find the courage to make the change ourselves. However it happens, it's important to remember there are always many more choices open to us than we may think.

Freddie credits his coach with 'giving him his life back'.

Freddie's coach comments 'Freddie went out and got himself the life he wanted. I just accompanied him on part of his journey'.    

A story about self-belief

A professor stood before his class of 30 senior students about to sit their final exam

'I have thoroughly enjoyed teaching you this year and I know how hard you have all worked to prepare for this test. 'I am well aware of how much pressure you are under and because I know you are all capable of understanding this material, I am prepared to offer an automatic 'B' to anyone who would prefer not to take the final.'

The relief was audible as a number of students thanked the professor and left the class. The professor looked at the remaining students, 'Any other takers? This is your last chance.' One more student decided to go.

Seven students remained. The professor closed the door and took attendance. Then he handed out the final exam. There were two sentences typed on the paper:

'Congratulations, you have just received an 'A' in this class.

Keep believing in yourself.'

I never had a professor who gave a test like that. It may seem like a quick way to get out of marking exams, but it's a test that any teacher in any discipline could and maybe should give. Students who don't have confidence in what they've learned are 'B' students at best.

The same is true for students of real life. The 'A' students are those who believe in what they're doing because they've learned from both successes and failures. They've absorbed life's lessons, whether from formal education or the school of hard knocks, and have become better people.

These are the people who you look for when you're hiring or promoting, and the ones you keep if you're downsizing. Your organisation needs their brand of thinking.

Psychologists say that by the age of two, 50 percent of what we ever believe about ourselves has been formed; by age six, 60 percent, and at eight years, 80 percent. Wouldn't you love to have the energy and optimism of a child? There is nothing you couldn't do or learn or be.

But you're a grown-up now, and you realise you have some limits. Don't let the biggest limit be yourself. As Sir Edmund Hillary said:

'It's not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.'

Believing in yourself comes from knowing what you are really capable of doing. You may not succeed every time, but if you believe in what you are capable of, you will get there at some time.

Surround yourself with positive people - they know the importance of confidence and will help you keep focused on what you can do instead of what you can't. Who you surround yourself with is who you become.

Never stop learning! It's SO important. Don't limit yourself only to work-related classes, either. Learn everything about every subject that you can. When you know what you're talking about, it shows.

Be very careful not to confuse confidence with a big ego. If you want people to believe in you, you also have to believe in them. Understand well that those around you also have much to contribute, and they deserve your support. Without faith in yourself and others, success is impossible.

At the end of a particularly frustrating practice one-day, a football coach dismissed his players by yelling, 'Now all you idiots, go take a shower!' All but one player headed toward the locker room. The coach glared at him and asked why he was still there.

'You told all the idiots to go, Sir,' the player replied, 'and there sure seems to be a lot of them. But I am not an idiot.'

Confident? You bet. And smart enough to coach that team some day.

Moral: Believe in yourself, even when no one else does.

Questions for you:
What can you achieve today by believing that you can?
What can your employees achieve today when you show you believe that they are capable?
What single thing can you change to enhance your self belief?


(from an article by Harvey Mackay, Author of the New York Times bestseller  - Pushing The Envelope.) 

A Guide to Positive Self Talk

How many of us are aware of that little voice in your head?  Sometimes it helps us by reading along as we see words in print, sometimes it spurs us on - encouraging us when the going gets tough, But all too often it nags away at us - bringing us down and reminding us of our past mistakes and poor performance - over and over and over again.


Wouldn't it be lovely to be able to work with our inner voice to 'train' it to be more gentle with us?


Our thoughts influence our actions. By changing the way we think our behaviours can change too. We can move from actions which don't serve us well, to actions which enhance our work environment, our family life and our relationships.

The following techniques will help you turn your negative self talk into a more positive and empowering voice.

1. Catch yourself out
Our negative self talk comes from many different sources, some from childhood, some reinforced by managers or bosses at work, others by partners in our relationships. By becoming aware of the negative voice and what it's saying we take the first step to changing it.  A non-threatening way to do this is to play a 'game' with yourself. Each time you hear your inner voice being negative, make a quick note of what it's saying. A bit like 'bingo' you can then see which ones are repeated most often. Notice how your inner voice refers to you. Does it speak as if you are speaking to yourself (I'm xxx) or does it speak as if it's someone else (you're xxx). Don't worry to begin with about changing thought....just catch on to the most harmful or limiting words or phrases you say to yourself.


2. Find your alternative
Once you have an idea of the patterns in your negative talk and the ways in which it limits you, you can begin to develop your strategy to replace the negative with positive. For example: clients' have often spoken of 'scripts' which say: 'I'm stupid', 'You're an idiot', Don't be ridiculous', 'who do you think you are?'  (note: some are spoken as if from self and others as if spoken by another person).

Aim to take ownership of your inner voice and work with it - you're part of one being - you're on the same team! For each negative, think of a positive you could replace it with, and if needed, also the 'evidence' for this. eg:

Negative voice:  'You stupid idiot'  

Positive replacement: 'I'm an intelligent person'   

(also think of a time when you solved a problem, passed an exam or made a good choice for yourself.  This will further reinforce your positive self talk.

If you catch yourself saying “'I can'’t do this'…”, challenge your negative voice, '“Why not?'”  The only person trying to stop you is you. Look for examples of other people who have successfully overcome hurdles and don't take your negative talk at face value.

3. Check for outside influence
Our self talk may come from our inner voice, however it's vitally important to examine the outside influences in our lives to really conquer negativity. By surrounding yourself with negative friends, or perhaps those with harmful habits (drugs, alcohol, etc) you are exposing yourself to unhelpful influences. This can be seen in a working environment whereby a new team member can quickly lose their motivation and momentum by being exposed to negative colleagues who are jaded and disparaging of the organisation or of line management. Be aware of the voices you are listening to externally as they will impact on your thoughts and inner voice. Avoid or challenge negativity where possible.  

4. Replace negative with positive
If friends are negative then try to limit the amount of time you spend with them. Instead seek out new and positive people to spend time with. Do you have goals and dreams you'd like to achieve? Find like-minded people to share them with and don't talk about them to those who you know will put you down.

I remember as a young adult I liked to read horror stories. This became a problem for me as I had dreadful nightmares which would re-occur.  One day, someone said to me 'well just stop reading them.' Incredibly simple, yet this hadn't crossed my mind! I took the advice, I stopped reading horrors and read more about spirituality and fiction around people overcoming great challenges in life. The nightmares stopped and I found my thoughts became far more pleasant and helpful.

Admittedly, replacing your reading material and the programmes you watch on TV may be far easier than replacing your 'friends' but if you're serious about wanting to create positivity in your life, then it's worth the effort.

Keep checking back for more suggestions on ridding yourself of negative self talk and creating the inner voice that will encourage and support you.

What if?

A story about choice.

Not far from where I used to live a water pipe had burst, flooding the road and street. Despite the best efforts of the local water company, the pipe continued to leak for a full week.  Visiting a neighbour, I was struck by a conversation that took place.


"I'm sick and tired of all this water." said the wife: "Every time I have to go out I get my feet wet. My shoes are soaked and muddy, my legs are splashed with muddy droplets and the street looks a real sight. I can't wait until they're finished. Probably taking their time so they can claim overtime."


"Well why don't you just do what I do?" says husband: "Go the other way!" It's only a 2 minute detour and you miss all the mess - you just like to moan, that's your problem."


Just then their son came bounding through the door with two of his pals - soaking wet! "Wow that was FANTASTIC!" he said: "First we dropped sticks into the gutter to see which would go down the drain first, then we jumped into the big puddle to see who could get the biggest splash, then Billy put some of his bubble mix in the water and we watched as it all turned to froth."

image from: www.fotothing.com

  
This got me thinking about the choices we make - to choose to repeatedly go down the same path - even though it causes us upset and discomfort is so familiar. We all know people who do this, and being honest, we can probably own up to times we've done this ourselves.


In this example it would have been so easy for the wife to change her route, but she was 'stuck' in her ways. Often in life situations, change can be quick and easy - yet we choose the difficult option.


And what of the son? Now here's a thought...what if choice is not about action alone - what if it can also be about attitude - what if we can choose how we see something? Just imagine, changing the way you perceive a problem can make the problem go away. By seeing the leak as an opportunity for play and exploration instead of a nuisance, the boys had great fun.


We may not always realise it, but we can choose a different attitude or we can choose a different path. If our choices aren't serving us well - we can change them.


What choices have you made recently? Small decisions or life-changing moments? Are your choices working for you?  If not, what are you going to choose to do about it?

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