A Guide to Positive Self Talk

How many of us are aware of that little voice in your head?  Sometimes it helps us by reading along as we see words in print, sometimes it spurs us on - encouraging us when the going gets tough, But all too often it nags away at us - bringing us down and reminding us of our past mistakes and poor performance - over and over and over again.


Wouldn't it be lovely to be able to work with our inner voice to 'train' it to be more gentle with us?


Our thoughts influence our actions. By changing the way we think our behaviours can change too. We can move from actions which don't serve us well, to actions which enhance our work environment, our family life and our relationships.

The following techniques will help you turn your negative self talk into a more positive and empowering voice.

1. Catch yourself out
Our negative self talk comes from many different sources, some from childhood, some reinforced by managers or bosses at work, others by partners in our relationships. By becoming aware of the negative voice and what it's saying we take the first step to changing it.  A non-threatening way to do this is to play a 'game' with yourself. Each time you hear your inner voice being negative, make a quick note of what it's saying. A bit like 'bingo' you can then see which ones are repeated most often. Notice how your inner voice refers to you. Does it speak as if you are speaking to yourself (I'm xxx) or does it speak as if it's someone else (you're xxx). Don't worry to begin with about changing thought....just catch on to the most harmful or limiting words or phrases you say to yourself.


2. Find your alternative
Once you have an idea of the patterns in your negative talk and the ways in which it limits you, you can begin to develop your strategy to replace the negative with positive. For example: clients' have often spoken of 'scripts' which say: 'I'm stupid', 'You're an idiot', Don't be ridiculous', 'who do you think you are?'  (note: some are spoken as if from self and others as if spoken by another person).

Aim to take ownership of your inner voice and work with it - you're part of one being - you're on the same team! For each negative, think of a positive you could replace it with, and if needed, also the 'evidence' for this. eg:

Negative voice:  'You stupid idiot'  

Positive replacement: 'I'm an intelligent person'   

(also think of a time when you solved a problem, passed an exam or made a good choice for yourself.  This will further reinforce your positive self talk.

If you catch yourself saying “'I can'’t do this'…”, challenge your negative voice, '“Why not?'”  The only person trying to stop you is you. Look for examples of other people who have successfully overcome hurdles and don't take your negative talk at face value.

3. Check for outside influence
Our self talk may come from our inner voice, however it's vitally important to examine the outside influences in our lives to really conquer negativity. By surrounding yourself with negative friends, or perhaps those with harmful habits (drugs, alcohol, etc) you are exposing yourself to unhelpful influences. This can be seen in a working environment whereby a new team member can quickly lose their motivation and momentum by being exposed to negative colleagues who are jaded and disparaging of the organisation or of line management. Be aware of the voices you are listening to externally as they will impact on your thoughts and inner voice. Avoid or challenge negativity where possible.  

4. Replace negative with positive
If friends are negative then try to limit the amount of time you spend with them. Instead seek out new and positive people to spend time with. Do you have goals and dreams you'd like to achieve? Find like-minded people to share them with and don't talk about them to those who you know will put you down.

I remember as a young adult I liked to read horror stories. This became a problem for me as I had dreadful nightmares which would re-occur.  One day, someone said to me 'well just stop reading them.' Incredibly simple, yet this hadn't crossed my mind! I took the advice, I stopped reading horrors and read more about spirituality and fiction around people overcoming great challenges in life. The nightmares stopped and I found my thoughts became far more pleasant and helpful.

Admittedly, replacing your reading material and the programmes you watch on TV may be far easier than replacing your 'friends' but if you're serious about wanting to create positivity in your life, then it's worth the effort.

Keep checking back for more suggestions on ridding yourself of negative self talk and creating the inner voice that will encourage and support you.